He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
