i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
