Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
