Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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