i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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