If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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