I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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