I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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