she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
