I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
