i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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