i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
