and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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