There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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