I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
