the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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