dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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