if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
