life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Im part way to drunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
