So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
