please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
