even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
