wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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