i wish my penis had a tongue
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
