I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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