Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I need mimosas to revive my soul
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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