I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
