Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
