Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
