how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
