Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
