maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
