i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
