We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
