I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
