I think I won the penis lottery.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
