so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
