did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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