dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
