IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dick very happy bro
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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