It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
