yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
