So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
