He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
