remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
where does the pee come out of this thing
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
