Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
