new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
