I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
