Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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