Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
