He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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