are you so shy because you have an std?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
