Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
BRING THE BAGELS
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
