yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
