both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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