Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
