know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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