i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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