Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
