You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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