Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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