my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
