omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize