Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
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